Asatru, Heathen, Heathentry, Uncategorized

Rape

Rape

 

If you want to begin your not all men rant now, I suggest you either read this all the way through, or don’t bother commenting.

1. Within the gates | ere a man shall go,

(Full warily let him watch,)

Full long let him look about him;

For little he knows | where a foe may lurk,

And sit in the seats within.

 

First line in the Havamal tells people to be careful, because you need to be aware that enemies abound, there are people out there who mean you ill.  This is very first thing we were ever taught by the ancestors and gods, there are bad people out there.

 

For some reason, there is a huge backlash whenever this advice is rephrased for women.  Somehow it is just right and holy for men to be wary, but if women are wary of men in the same way, that is somehow an attack on all men.  Here is where the same group of men that is quickest to shout “snowflake!” at anyone else for being bothered by another’s opinion is screaming at the top of their lungs about how offended they are at the thought that women might share among themselves that they don’t feel safe around a particular person.

I am not talking about publicly pointing out someone who has never been convicted of anything and accusing them of something, I am talking about women privately sharing with each other that they don’t feel safe around a particular person.

 

One in four women will experience sexual assault in their lives.  A woman over the age of 15 has a 3.5% chance of being raped this year, a male 0.5%.  The average assailant is a male below the age of 35 in both cases (2014 Statistics Canada figures https://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-002-x/2017001/article/14842-eng.htm ).

Sex Assault Stats

 

Vulnerable populations have the risk higher, native women are sitting about 57% for being assaulted in their lives and disabled women have 83% chance of being sexually assaulted during their lives ( https://www.sexassault.ca/statistics.htm ).

Sex Assault overall

 

These are the facts.  This is the world that we live in, and this is something that affects everyone.  I am not a feminist, and will admit cheerfully that I fully enjoy being a practicing heterosexual who finds the sight, sound, and company of women to be an absolute delight, and who is married to a woman I still desire sexually after twenty one years and three daughters as much as when we were fooling around in high school.  I enjoy sex, I enjoy women. I have raped exactly as many women as I desire to; zero.  I find the idea of rape to be repugnant, but that does not mean I don’t acknowledge a whole lot of people really do feel otherwise.  Those rape statistics do not point to the number of men out there who are sexual predators as being small, or a statistically insignificant number.  They point to it being a significant and persistent problem that women really should consider when looking at the world.

It is not just women who are the victims, and not just men who are the assailants; true, but the numbers make it clear it is primarily women who are the victims, and even more predominantly men who are the assailants of both genders.  For those men who want to defend our gender from the slander of being called rapists, for it to be slander, the charge would have to lack basis, and on that point, we fail.

 

  1. I rede thee, Loddfafnir! | and hear thou my rede,–

Profit thou hast if thou hearest,

Great thy gain if thou learnest:

If evil thou knowest, | as evil proclaim it,

And make no friendship with foes.

 

  1. I rede thee, Loddfafnir! | and hear thou my rede,–

Profit thou hast if thou hearest,

Great thy gain if thou learnest:

In evil never | joy shalt thou know,

But glad the good shall make thee.

 

If you know someone is a risk, you speak up.  You don’t remain silent, you don’t quietly disapprove and take your chances that someone will pay the price when what you fear may happen does happen, you speak up.

There is also this, you don’t play games with consent, you don’t joke about it, you do not provide the social camouflage that makes it acceptable for those who really do not believe consent is necessary to hide in, nor give the impression that women who have been assaulted should stay silent because really, no one means it when they say consent matters.

 

It is not all men, has never been all men, but it sure as hell is some of them, and if we can stop one more woman from being raped by a warning, then we should absolutely do so.  I am not advocating witch hunts, but if you don’t feel safe around someone, and you are aware that a friend is putting themselves in a vulnerable position with them, share your concern privately with that person.

I am a big man, and not the gentlest looking on the planet.  My manner is likewise somewhat aggressive, and I get that some people are triggered by it.  I am responsible for my words and deeds, but not for the reactions of others.  That being said, I would rather a hundred women whispered to each other that they didn’t feel safe around me, than one kept silent feeling I represented a credible threat to another woman.

I would rather a hundred women whispered they didn’t feel safe, knowing that I would never touch a woman without her full consent, even before I was married, than women worried about offending someone and kept a justified fear silent.  No man’s ego is worth another woman being raped.

 

More times than I like to think about, as a priest in the community I have had women feeling safe enough in ritual and community setting to open up about their sexual assault.  The wounds are terrible, taking multiple decades to fully heal, and if you consider the difference between the extent of the damage compared to the average sentence of a rapist you begin to understand that in the rare cases where conviction is actually given, the sentence of the victim is still far more extensive than that of the assailant.

We can’t fix the damage done. We can’t say the risk of it isn’t there, and pretending that the world is safer than it is not only is foolish, but violates the wisdom the gods went to the trouble to leave us.  We are advised to be wary of the dangers, to take note of them, and take reasonable precautions against them.  We are advised to call out evil when we see it, and to stand against it.

Rape is evil, and it is a risk in our society.  Call it out, stop apologizing for it, stop objecting to women pointing out that some men are dangers; do not make yourself part of the problem but part of the solution.  Some men, and a very much smaller number of women, are the problem.  Rapists are evil, and have no place in our society.

Do not allow yourself to become their shield, their camouflage.  Do not allow yourself to become the cover a predator can use to avoid scrutiny.  Rapists are vile.  Those women and men who have been so assaulted understand the depths of the harm they represent, and the numbers who share that understanding are far too high.

We need to do better.  Heed Havamal 127.  If you know or suspect someone is a danger, don’t remain silent.  Heed Havamal 1, be aware, always.  The bulk of the assailants are known to their victims, which means that those unshared suspicions or unshared experiences of close calls are indeed missed opportunities to prevent another person being attacked.  I would rather someone falsely mistook me for a wolf in the fold, than out of fear of reprisal women stopped sharing their experiences of possible wolves among us now.  No more victims.

Havamal, Stanza 1, 127-128 http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/poe/poe04.htm

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5 thoughts on “Rape

  1. Kryss says:

    Women do talk amongst themselves. And from my discussions of women, many, many women, across decades and decades and the breadth of a continent, I can tell you that that 25% of women being assaulted is ridiculously low.

    Ask how many women how many lurking strangers have dragged them, screaming, off into a bush, and yeah, it’s gonna be low. That doesn’t happen that often, thank goodness.

    But ask women about the neighbourhood kid who wanted to touch their genitals, or the kid in school who kept groping them “for laughs”. Or the guy who kept pressing her on their date (or at a party) for sex and just *wouldn’t* leave her alone until she finally gave up just to get it the fuck *over* with, even if it left her feeling scummy and used afterwards, and she never actually wanted to in the first place. Ask about the teacher or boss who kept putting his arm around her, and how uncomfortable it made her, and the way she didn’t like it, but what was she supposed to do about it? It was just a hug, jeez.

    Ask about the drunk friend at her parents’ party who kept trying to kiss her or grope her and get her alone, who kept following when she tried to leave. What was she supposed to do, make a fuss and ruin the party? Better to just hope he got bored and went away.

    And I guarantee that *every*single*woman*out*there* has experienced at least one of those. Most of us have experienced more. And more often. Fuck, I have personally experienced every single one of those, except the stranger in the bush.

    Rape isn’t just a terrible thing that happens to a lot of women. It is a fucking FACT OF LIFE for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.

    And anyone whose first response to that is “But not all men!” can GDIAF. LISTEN to us, goddammit! No, it may be #NotAllMen; but it #IsAllWomen.

    And if you’ve ever snapped a girl’s bra (it may be nothing to YOU; but you are FUCKING WITH OUR BREASTS, you asshole!), or kept kissing a girl who wasn’t kissing you back, or kept pushing for sex when her arms and legs were crossed and she kept turning her head away and not meeting your eyes (that is not being “shy” or “reluctant”; that is screaming “Get away from me!”, quietly, despairingly, knowing no one will listen but not knowing what else to do) then IT WAS YOU, TOO.

    It was you, too. Even if you never dragged a screaming woman into a bush, it was still you.

    John, thanks for standing up and saying this. Everyone, please stop with the #NotAllMen. Because even if it’s not, it IS all women.

    Can we focus on that and just fucking stop this from happening, please?

    Please?

  2. Pingback: Heathen words on Rape (without further comment) | facingthefireswithin

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